Whistling for the Elephants Read online

  ‘Hey, kid, how you doing today?’ he would call as I arrived on my bike.

  ‘I’m good, Junior. Real good,’ I would reply. Everyone called him Junior even though he was as old as Harry. You know, maybe fifty. Old.

  Junior threw some onions on the grill and smacked them down with his egg slice. ‘So what do you know?’

  ‘I know that there’s never going to be a better shortstop than Bud Harrelson.’

  ‘Amen. So did you think of a new name for the stand?’ he asked.

  A McDonald’s had opened in town and Frank had decided he needed to update his business. We had been talking and I said he needed a snappier name than Walchinsky’s Hot Dog Stand.

  ‘How about Frank’s Franks?’ I said. ‘And you could have a slogan; Be Frank — Frank’s Franks Are Best.’

  Frank screwed his eyes up and looked at me. ‘A slogan? Like on a button?’ I nodded. ‘I like that. Yeah, I like that. Buttons. Rockefeller, he’s got buttons. See.’ He held up a campaign button which read We Want Rocky. It was like a lot of American politics — simple and to the point. Frank shook his head in amazement at the idea. ‘We could have buttons,’ he repeated.

  If it was raining or business was slow, Junior would let me sit inside behind the counter and eat my supper. I would sit next to him while he cut up onions, tears streaming down his face. Inside the stand, on the wall, Frank had black and white photographs from the opening of the hot-dog stand. There were balloons and ribbons and everyone was dressed up. At the back of the picture was an elephant wearing a sequinned coat and a top hat.

  ‘Only hot-dog stand in America designed by an architect and opened by an elephant,’ Junior would say. Then he would put down his knife and go through the people posing from the past. ‘That’s Mr Burroughs, everyone called him John Junior; Sweetheart and her son Harry; my father; Billie Blake; and that’s Grace carrying Phoebe. Used to bring her down here all the time.’

  I knew Grace from the magazine and the others were starting to be familiar too.

  ‘Phoebe. She had a wheelchair.’

  ‘John Junior’s sister. Frail as a bird. She had polio when she was a kid. It didn’t matter how much money John Junior made, he couldn’t make her better. Then Grace came along. You never saw two people happier together. Grace would carry her everywhere. Everybody said she was Phoebe’s legs and Phoebe was her heart. That’s how come Pop got the stand. Phoebe wanted a hot dog so Grace got John to build her a hot-dog stand.’ Junior wiped his sweaty red face with a towel and sat down.

  ‘You been out to the house?’ I nodded and he smiled. ‘What a place. Took three years and every builder in the county to build it. Of course, it didn’t help that Billie kept changing her mind. She was a gal. She had been to Europe once and she wanted all of it in one building. She used to sit drawing pictures of houses and driving John crazy. “Billie,” he would say, “you can have what you want but you have to decide on one style.” In the end I think it was a little wacky. The front was that place in Venice — the Doge’s Palace, I never been — and the tower from Madison quare Garden in New York. And big. Thirty bedrooms, fourteen baths, plus kitchens, pantries and servants’ quarters. People came from Paris to do the plaster on the walls, they got chairs handmade in Florence, floors from South America, artists to paint ceilings, wood walls from Italy You should see the organ in the tower gallery. Four thousand pipes. Fifty grand. I don’t think anybody ever played it. I was only little but there was money then. The parties my dad used to cook for. But it couldn’t last. There wasn’t the money to make it last. One time Billie wanted a gondola so John Junior gets a gondolier too. You know the Dapolitos? That was Eddie’s father, the gondolier. I think it’s why he still lives by the water.’

  So that was my life. Walchinsky’s in the evening, driving at night, and the zoo during the day. I was learning a lot at the zoo. Cosmos gave me jobs to do and the insect woman, Helen, let me in for free. I already knew that when the rear ends of female baboons went red and swollen they weren’t sick, just in estrous. That meant they wanted mating. I also knew that the books said Girling the Gorilla was supposed to be mainly foliverous. That meant he was supposed to like leaves and stems and things from plants, but you got nowhere with him unless you gave him spaghetti with tomato sauce. He wasn’t like Father, he loved it. Girling was also scared of the plastic dividers in ice-cube trays. Miss Strange didn’t know why but he would back off as soon as she produced one.

  I didn’t see a lot of Miss Strange. She kept in the office when the zoo was open. Cosmos had done a great job on the pets corner — Manitou Manor — and for a while a few families even came. The kids loved Cosmos. She would sit on a bale of hay, tooting her flute, while they fed the goats and stroked the rabbits. The angora rabbit had babies and I spent for ever holding them. They were just the same colour as their mom.

  ‘That’s genetics,’ I told Cosmos with ten-year-old knowing.

  She looked at the bunnies. ‘Yeah, neat. Aren’t mothers just the most? They are like … everything. The Algonquin believe that Gluskap made the whole world from the body of his mother.’

  I found that hard. Everybody had these weird ideas about mothers. I was sure you couldn’t make anything out of mine. Not even sweat.

  If Cosmos wasn’t telling stories then she was whistling, and if she wasn’t whistling she was carving new whistles and giving them away. She also made a thing out of old sewer pipes for us to crawl through and feel what it was like to be prairie dogs. None of this could really hide the fact that the place was falling down, but I loved it. I became kind of a mini-know-all, standing in front of the polar bears declaring to all and sundry:

  ‘The girl is Hypatia. She was far out. She was like, a scientist, mathematician and philosopher. In her time she was the leading intellectual of Alexandria. She taught philosophy, geometry, astronomy and algebra at the university. She invented the astrolabe and the planisphere. Anyhow she had this really powerful philosophy about scientific rationalism. That you could sit and figure everything out. Well, Cyril, the boy? He hated that. He was like, this big Christian, which was really new then. It was like, the fourth century and Cyril was Patriarch of all Alexandria but I mean if he was going to have that job then I think he could have had like a better name. So Cyril hates her because she’s so smart, and he gets this mob of monks to drag her from her chariot, strip her naked and torture her to death by slicing her flesh from her bones with shells and sharpened flints.’

  People were sometimes impressed. It was thrilling. Then the campaign over the zoo heated up and folks started feeling uncomfortable about coming. There was a rally in the town, a Meet the candidates event in front of Torchinsky’s Funeral Parlour where both parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, announced their mayoral tickets. Harry, as the incumbent, was announced first. He began his speech with a sure-fire winner.

  ‘How about them Senators?’ The Sassaspaneck Senators, the high-school football team, had had a very good year. The crowd went wild, waving red and blue banners and tossing fake boaters in the air. ‘Was that some season or what?’ More cheering. Everyone in the crowd could have run a touchdown themselves. Judith sat at the back, perched on a chair from Torchinsky’s. She had a fixed smile on her face which only make-up remover could shift. She never said a word. She didn’t clap or cheer either. Just sat. It was kind of spooky.

  ‘When I was quarterback for the Senators, people used to ask me what I felt, and I told them: pride. I was proud to be from Sassaspaneck. Proud to be quarterback for the best high-school team in the county. And I’m still proud. The Senators represent everything that is good about this town. They are young, talented men and they are winners. And we need to reward that. I have been your mayor for four years now and I am going to spend the next four years giving this town a place to show off our pride. At my own expense I have commissioned architect’s plans for a new Senator stadium. It will be the latest, the greatest and the most modern stadium in the state.’

  ‘Wh
ere you gonna put it, Harry? In your yard?’ came a cry from the crowd. Harry laughed and held up a map of the town.

  ‘Right here.’ He pointed to the zoo. ‘If elected I will close the zoo. I think we all agree that the place has become a health hazard and it has had its day. I say, let’s clean up this town. Close the zoo. The Senator stadium is the future.’ Abe and Hubert surprised themselves by cheering together. So that was it. Harry’s close-the-zoo platform. Then the Democrats had their turn. The local party gave the announcement the usual build-up and then declared:

  ‘The Democratic candidate for Mayor of Sassaspaneck is Joey Amorato!’

  To be honest, the place didn’t exactly erupt. There was more of a murmur which went through the crowd.

  ‘The dog catcher?’

  ‘They chose the dog catcher?’

  ‘Do they mean Joey?’

  ‘I didn’t even know he was a Democrat.’

  I don’t know why, but Joey had decided that 1968 was his year to stand tall. Maybe everybody knew that Harry was unbeatable so they let Joey stand as a token. Whatever, little Joey came out fighting.

  ‘Hey. I’m Joey Amorato and I don’t just know you, I know your dogs!’ As an opening line in a fierce campaign it probably lacked something.

  ‘What about the stadium, Joey?’ called Tony from the door of his pizza parlour.

  Already Joey was into tricky territory. In his time at Sassaspaneck High, Joey had never been on a single sports team. Everybody knew this. He had always been on the chubby, unfit side. Indeed, it was his inability to run which had led to him being bitten by a dog in the first place.

  ‘I think there are more important things in this town,’ he began. —

  ‘Like the zoo? You gonna come out for the zoo ‘cause you like dogs?’ shouted someone, and everyone laughed. It was not an auspicious start. Harry laughed loudest of all. Joey stood on the platform looking at him. Judith, seated between them, didn’t move a muscle. The two men had very different agendas. Harry wanted to close the zoo, but Joey didn’t care about that. He wanted to close out Harry. The zoo was about to get caught in the middle and so was I.

  One night I had slipped out to drive the car as usual. It was always the same time. I would watch TV till a commercial came on with a deep man’s voice.

  ‘It’s ten o’clock,’ he would say like he was Orson Welles. ‘Do you know where your children are?’ It was delivered in such a way as to suggest you might also know where some other people’s children were. Father would have been sitting at the tantalus for some time by then, so he never noticed me leave. I drove very slowly because even on my fruit box I couldn’t see real well. Down to the Yacht Club entrance and round and back to the stop sign. Then I had to back up to avoid going on to Amherst, which I figured, as it was a main road, probably wasn’t allowed. That night I had tried a little spying, but it hadn’t gone well. The neighbourhood was very tense since Perry had arrived. Uncle Eddie had sided with Sweetheart.

  ‘You can’t turn away any kid,’ he said, almost raising his voice.

  But Aunt Bonnie said the kid ought to go. That it was upsetting Judith. I couldn’t figure it out because Aunt Bonnie liked kids. She said it was all about family. I parked the car for a while and went round the back of the Dapolito place. Maybe Aunt Bonnie was having ice cream. In the backyard I could just see her lying on Eddie Jr’s trampoline. I knew she was in estrous because she had a very red bottom and Harry was mating her. When I looked across the yard to the edge of the water I could see that Joey was watching, which I didn’t think was nice. I ran back to the car.

  I don’t know why but it made me feel panicked so I shot the car into reverse and pulled straight out on to Amherst. There seemed to be cars coming from every direction and I drove kind of wildly down the road. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Mating, that was about reproduction, but Aunt Bonnie already had kids. She had kids and then she sent them away for the summer. Harry had a kid who he didn’t want to talk about and now she was dead but her kid was here and Harry didn’t want him. Perry was family How could you not want family? And why was Jocy watching? It wasn’t nice. I knew it wasn’t nice. I thought he liked Judith more than he was supposed to, but why was he watching Aunt Bonnie? Nothing made any sense. I don’t know how long I was gone. Maybe a half-hour, because I couldn’t find any place to turn around. I would keep seeing a good space, then lose my nerve and pass it. When I got back, I turned the car round at the end of the street and pulled up outside Sweetheart’s house kind of shaking. Karen Carpenter was singing to me on the radio but it didn’t help.

  Sweetheart’s front door was open and I could hear that she and Harry were arguing. I could see them half lit through the screen door. Sweetheart was holding Perry and Harry was trying to grab the kid off of her.

  ‘You know what it did to me. Don’t do this again,’ he was yelling.

  ‘It is not his fault,’ said Sweetheart, clinging on to Perry, who was crying. Harry made a grab for the kid.

  ‘I am not going to let this ruin my life.’

  I was just about to pull off home but the next thing I knew, Sweetheart ran out with Perry in her arms and got in the car.

  ‘Hurry up! Drive! Drive!’

  Harry came storming out of the house and ran at the car so I just floored it. We hit Amherst so fast the car fish-tailed round the corner. This was new. This was real driving. I had people in the car. Passengers. I pulled on the huge steering wheel to try and sit up more and see more while still pressing the accelerator. I knew to stay on the right-hand side of the road but I didn’t know how to get anyplace except the bit of Amherst which I had just tried, and I really didn’t know anyplace off Amherst except the zoo. Perry was crying and Sweetheart was trying to comfort him.

  ‘Where are you going?’ she asked.

  ‘The zoo,’ I said.

  It was as if she expected it. ‘Yes. Good.’

  When we got there it was completely dark. I knew my way around so it wasn’t a problem. I opened the car door for Sweetheart and kind of held her by the elbow. She had Perry in her arms and she just let me guide her like I knew what I was doing. I liked that. Like Father leading Mother across the road. What was strange was that I didn’t need to. She knew exactly where we were going. As usual the place was wide open so we wandered in through the Tibetan ticket booth. It should have been like one of my silent spy moments but we all jumped when the fire siren went and the timber wolves began to howl. It woke Mr Honk up. He fanned his feathers at me. I’d have liked to show Perry how handsome he was but it would have to wait. Sweetheart had started making very still crying sounds and I didn’t know what to do. I mean, she was too old to cry.

  ‘It’s real good you’re not wearing a hat,’ I tried. ‘Queen Sammuramat, she’s the ostrich, she’s taken to attacking anyone wearing a hat. Do you know about Queen Sammuramat? She ruled Assyria for forty-two years. She irrigated the whole of Babylon and led military campaigns as far as India.’

  Maybe it wasn’t appropriate but it was all I could think of. I don’t think I had ever thought about what Cosmos, Helen and Miss Strange did when the zoo was closed. I just presumed they would be there, and that night they were. The lights were on in the food store. Miss Strange was sitting with Sappho, the female orangutan. Sappho had a big flat face like she had swallowed a Frisbee, a neat beard and a sad expression. Actually everyone looked serious. There was a discussion going on between Cosmos and Miss Strange. The orangutan seemed to be taking an active part, or at least a more active role than Helen. As usual, Helen, all-brown Helen, was curled up in a corner so that I didn’t notice her at first.

  They couldn’t have been expecting us but when Miss Strange saw Sweetheart she stood up. Mr Paton was perched on her shoulder but he didn’t move or speak. I’m sure I hadn’t thought about what would happen but I know it surprised me.

  ‘Hello, Sugar,’ said Miss Strange as if I had never snubbed her in the ice-cream store. Perry had fallen asleep and without a word M
iss Strange shook out her coat on a hay bale. Then she took Perry from Sweetheart’s arms and laid him on the warm coat. She didn’t say a word but led Sweetheart to sit down. I would have thought there were a million questions but she didn’t mention how late it was or ask how we came to be there. Miss Strange took out a handkerchief and gently wiped away Sweetheart’s tears.

  ‘I need your help again,’ said Sweetheart.

  ‘Of course,’ said Miss Strange. ‘I’m glad you came, Sweetheart. We have a problem and I need your advice.’ I went and sat with Cosmos. It was confusing. I didn’t even know Miss Strange knew Sweetheart. ‘We’ve had some news. You remember Artemesia?’

  Sweetheart nodded. ‘Oh, bless her. Didn’t you lend her to a circus?’

  ‘I did. It’s folded and they want us to take her back.’

  ‘Will you?’

  ‘I thought about it. I don’t know if we can deal with her. It’s been thirty years.’

  ‘You’d learn again.’

  ‘Do you think so? They might close the zoo before I can find out.’

  Sweetheart and Miss Strange talked like two old ladies who had met for a gossip. Cosmos sat back on a hay bale, whittling slowly at a new flute with her knife, while Helen sat entirely still. An exercise in camouflage. Mr Paton climbed down from his perch on Miss Strange. He carefully walked a short distance and collected some pieces of straw. He returned with a beakful, which he laid at Miss Strange’s feet. Then he climbed back up beside her head, settled on the sloping shoulder and very quietly leaned forward to stroke her deformed cheek. Miss Strange looked at the bird.

  ‘It’s getting cold. Let’s all go up to the house. Sugar, do you have to go home?’ she asked gruffly.

  ‘No,’ I said, not really sure. Miss Strange shrugged and picked up Perry. As she did she stroked his cheek and held him close. I had never seen Miss Strange be soft with anyone. We walked up to the big house.